i don’t want to wonder

july 2012
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Zeke Traver (29 years), Morgan Russo (28 years), Lewis Traver (6 years)

So what, that her best friend, Hazel got married and had a baby. Sure, it made Morgan sad to say goodbye to Friday nights dancing, and living with Hazel. Thinking back, she’s not sure if that was enough to cause her own agitation, or if it was the simple fact that everywhere Morgan looked, there was someone getting married, having babies, and generally moving on with their personal life. And it was clear, that she was not doing any of those things, despite being in a serious relationship for nearly two years.

Hazel’s own niece had gotten married in June. It was officially the younger generations turn to get married, and Morgan was quickly feeling like an old maid. She had always relished throwing herself into her professional career, and now as the youngest General Practitioner in the region, she felt it was a good time to settle down. Everyone knew that girls’ fertility didn’t last as long, and secretly, she’d love to have a baby close in age to Bea.

Her co-worker, nurse Caroline was getting married over the weekend, and due with her son immediately after the event. Everyday for the past six months, Morgan worked with Caroline, and saw her grow with child. She’d never felt envious of large, waddling, over-expanded stomachs before, but she was jealous of Caroline.

Each toddler she saw at the hospital, she wanted to scoop up and bring home with her.

She spent her free time with Lewis, playing catch and tossing the football. He wasn’t her son by any rights, but she cared for him, and knew it was mutual.

She’d had a fling with Dr. Marcus Dwyer in September 2009, and now even he was engaged to be married in the fall. It was only a matter of time before the schoolmarm wanted her own ankle biters. Which wouldn’t be so horrible for Morgan, since she wouldn’t have to see Miriam daily, but Marcus insisted on having dinner with her on his night shifts.

Morgan had spoke to Zeke about her feelings on committing, and he hadn’t seemed the most receptive of the idea. She could feel the space between them expanding, as she became almost irrational in her desires. Maybe, this is what her mother always meant about wanting different things. It had never hurt this much with past relationships though.

She couldn’t speak with her parents over any of her feelings. They still were not on Team Zeke, no matter how hard he tried to be pleasant in their company. And maybe this happily ever after she seeked, was nothing more than a pipe dream. Maybe a baby, and wedding, surrounded by family and friends would never happen, even if Zeke did say yes.

Her shifts at the hospital were long and wearisome. When she wasn’t snuggling with the newborns in the nursery, she was measuring little kids and charting their growth progress, or checking the dilation of those expecting.

Even Marcus noticed that her mood had dipped, and asked her about it over a cold cup of coffee in the cafeteria.

“I don’t know what to do.” She confessed to him. “Do I wait and see if he eventually wants the same thing as me, or find someone else who does? And if I do break it off, how do I know I’ll find anyone that I even like?”

Marcus took a deep drink of his coffee, then set it down on the laminated table before turning to her. “You need to decide what you can live with, and what you can’t. Then see if he’s willing to compromise with you on these issues. If not,” he shrugged his shoulders, “then it wasn’t meant to be to begin with.”

Marcus’ words sounded right, but it didn’t feel easy. She took the afternoon off from work, and then went to Zeke’s for dinner that evening. She didn’t have to think hard on it, she already knew her heart on these issues, and had a feeling, she knew Zeke’s.

“Zeke,” She moved to the window, and gazed out to the street for a moment before speaking again. “I think we need time apart.” she rubbed her arm as a chill went down her spine. “I don’t want to, you know? It’s just, we want different things, and..”

She could hear him move closer to her, but he didn’t touch her. She wanted him to reach out, grab her and tell her it was nonsense, that he wanted to marry her and have babies together. He didn’t do any of those things.

“I understand.” She said after a moment, her voice caught in her throat a little. “Brynn was horrible, and it’s scary to think of going into that kind of commitment again. I get it.” She quickly wiped a betraying tear from her cheek. “It’s just that, I thought for us, it’d be different.”

***

Near the end of the month, Caroline and Reed had their son, Alex. As Morgan found, the world was small, and the townhouse they had rented was the one joined to Zeke’s. She hadn’t accepted any of his phone calls, nor his roses he had sent to her, and they had stopped coming a few days prior. Morgan was able to avoid being at Caroline’s when Zeke was home, and her own apartment that had been full of happy memories with Hazel, was suddenly lonely and empty; the yellow paint seemed mocking. So she spent as much time at the hospital, and then at friends’ houses, when her mom forced her to leave work.

Caroline and Reed were always welcoming when she came to visit, but it was a constant reminder of what she didn’t have. She hated to think she was letting these desires over run her life, and get in the way of her friendships. There wasn’t a close friend that didn’t know that she had called it off with Zeke. Her own father had been quite boastful and proud of her for taking out the trash, while her mother remained quiet and still on the matter. Morgan had an inkling that her mother would like a grandchild at some point as well. Morgan just didn’t know how to go about finding another man she could love as much as she did Zeke.

***

Zeke had to answer Lewis’ constant questions on when Morgan would be over again to play, or when they were having dinner at South Soda Shop again, which was Lewis’ favorite place to go. It wasn’t that Lewis didn’t see Morgan, even on a pretty regular basis, they just didn’t do something together as a group anymore. Morgan had initiated keeping in touch with Lewis through his mom, Kenzie, and they did their visiting while he was at work. He knew the days she spent with Lewis before he told him; he could smell her on Lewis. A slight mix of sandalwood, baby oil, and hospital. He didn’t know he could miss that strange mix as much as he did.

He remembered laying in bed in the morning, with her head resting on his chest. She wasn’t awake yet, and her breathing was low and rhythmic, almost like a lullaby. Her shoulder exposed, her skin soft and warm, and he remembered not wanting the sun to rise and end the moment.

He played over the night she called it off, and wished with all his might, that he had done differently. That he had kissed her, and asked her to marry him. What was he so afraid of? Though he knew the answer to that without demanding the answer of himself.

Maybe it would be different for them, he allowed himself to think. They were older, she wasn’t Brynn. She was warm, and loving, faithful, smart, and witty. She was something, he was suddenly certain, that he didn’t want to live without.

He tried to reach her by phone, at work, and even stopped by her apartment one night, but she was quite accomplished in avoiding him. He decided to sit outside her apartment until she finally came home. She didn’t want to get in his truck when he asked, but obliged after he pleaded.

“Ok then.” She had her arms crossed, facing forward, though her eyes flickered to his face a few times.

“I’ve been pretty messed up.” Zeke admitted, not sure where to begin or what to even say to make things right. She scoffed, but he continued. “But you’ve changed all that. I’m not perfect, but when I’m with you, I feel like you make me better.” He laughed a little at himself. “I sound so stupid.” He brushed his hair back and looked at his knee, then back at her. “I don’t want to wake up next to anyone else in the morning, and I don’t want my apartment to smell like anyone but you. I’m scared to death to get married again.”

She turned to face him and he felt hopeful by what he thought he saw.

“But I’m more scared of losing you.” He looked at her sheepishly, then to the keys hanging in the ignition. “I don’t want anyone else to lay their hands on you.” they both laughed a little, easing the tension. “And I think that a marriage with you by my side, wouldn’t be quite so terrible, compared to a lifetime without you in my life.”

She moved closer to his side. “Zeke Traver, is this your attempt at asking me to marry you?”

He nodded, and audibly gulped. She moved even closer, and began kissing him.

“Does that mean you accept?” Zeke pulled back after a moment and asked.

She bit her lip and nodded.

“Mrs. Traver?”

“Dr. Russo-Traver,” she corrected.

“That’s right, Doctor, I like that. I never thought I’d marry a doctor.”

“Mmm.. people often dream of marrying us wealthy, sophisticated doctors, but seldom do they get the chance.”

“I’m a lucky man then.”

“Count us both as lucky.”

————
It was nearing the end for these two, Morgan had gone into the red for her aspiration, and she was constantly talking about babies, and had the desire to get married and all that good stuff… and Zeke was like, I’m a pleasure sim, let’s go bowling. ;P (With the constant fear of getting engaged mind you).

Zeke had the want to go on a date though. And I decided, to let him fulfill that want. No sooner then she accepted his invitation that all his wants refreshed, and get engaged to Morgan was right there, loud and clear! No kissing, no talking, no mindless blather was needed for Zeke, it was immediately there, and I thought, Ok, Zeke, I got the message. So voila, Zeke and Morgan are now happily engaged. And I am QUITE happy about it! 😀

Oh, and side note, Marcus Dwyer is marrying Miriam (school teacher), the same one that has been flirting it up with Finn McCarthy. And Caroline’s husband is Reed Welsh, which is Violet-Adele’s ex-boyfriend, that she got pregnant with (and miscarried) the child of back in college. whew! He’s also the one that owns the toy store, that Annie wants to be friendly with (flirt, etc).

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5 thoughts on “i don’t want to wonder

  1. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You totally got me there! I was all “Oh no, why’d they have to break up!” And mopey, and then at the end they got engaged and I nearly fell off of my couch! (Gosh…. I get really into this stuff don’t I?) Hee hee, you rock!

  2. Yay! I’m so glad they didn’t break up for good and an engagement makes it even better! I would have been really sad had they broken up. When Lewis was asking about her…aw, my heart about broke.

    Poor Morgan though…Zeke really made her sweat it out before he finally asked her!

  3. I think Zeke is lucky that Morgan didn’t just throw his proposal out the window. 😛 Though the game wouldn’t have her do that. I agree, he really did make her sweat it out, she’s wanted to marry him quite a long time.

    I’m excited Lewis is going to have a new mommy figure in his life permanently, and maybe a new brother/sister down the road.

  4. Your description of baby fits really pulled me in on this one, and I’m so glad everyone got what they wanted in the end. The holding hands in the car picture was really nice.

  5. It’s about time, Zeke! lol 😉 Yay! I’m so glad they’re finally engaged. But man, Zeke, you almost blew it. It would have been the biggest mistake of his life if he’d let Morgan go forever, so I’m glad he finally took the plunge. 🙂

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