narrated by: Lainey
I started at Eastborough this semester, and got placed in Miner Hall with Hadley, and a few other students from my high school years. Back in junior high, Hadley would bully me, and make me cry almost every day after school, but now we sit together in the cafeteria. In this big university, there is this comfort in sitting by someone that you know, and not feeling swallowed whole by the enormity of college.
She’s still dating Chad, much to my disappointment. In high school it was always Hadley who got the guys, and I just don’t see them as being a good pairing. I wish that Chad could see it that way too. With my luck, they’ll end up getting married down the line.
Unfortunately for everyone, Isaac Gavigan is in our dorm. Hadley naturally hates him, and I don’t blame her.
But in truth, the entire teen pregnancy was off-putting to me, and I don’t feel that ether is more guilty than the next. Even though Isaac didn’t step up to be a Dad, neither has Julia from what Alice tells me. She says that Julia’s parents are raising the baby as their own, so why would Isaac be the only one to blame.
Hadley has been naturally giving him hell, and I wouldn’t expect anything less from her. I would be the same way if it was my little sister Willa in this situation. But with my birth parents both choosing to give me up for adoption, I just have a different view point on blame, and responsibility.
And with that in mind, I decided to sever my ties of dining with Hadley and Chad. It was upsetting to my inner heartache to watch them be gooey-eyed with one another, and I started sitting with Isaac when he was around.
He’s a sophomore, and since I haven’t decided on a major yet, he already has experience in the same classes I’m in. It only made sense to allow him to help me with my studies. I’m not taking a light workload, and there are great expectations for me to maintain a high GPA.
Through all of that, we sort of became friends. Isaac shared that he wanted to do things for Nolan; he just didn’t know how to go about it.
He regretted denying it all to his parents, and felt that now it was too late to have a place in Nolan’s life. He begged for me to drop hints to Alice and have her share it with Julia.
When I was younger, I used to hope that my birth parents missed me, and wondered about me, and as much as that is softened when I hear Isaac talk; it just doesn’t change the fact that I do not want to be involved in any baby drama. I told him that he has to be the one to man up if that’s his desire, otherwise to just stay away, and let the Millett’s raise the baby how they see fit.
He seemed to avoid me after that, probably not liking what I had to say. I found myself with more time to study.
I had to make mends with Hadley, which wasn’t difficult. She seems to be more mature than she was in high school. At least in the way that she isn’t terrorizing everyone, just Isaac. She is still completely obsessed with herself and her appearance.
I just can’t handle seeing her with Chad though. It hurts seeing him happy with her, when she was wicked to me growing up. Seems like she gets everything she ever wants, and it makes me sick.
So I started doing my studying at the library just to get fresh air and peace from all of them. I started missing my parents more, and my little brother and sister. I hadn’t felt homesick until after I stopped being sort of friends with Isaac.
Hadley was already friends with Meg and all of the old upperclass students, so she has a built in crowd already.
Meg was never mean to me, but I still feel like they are laughing about me when they are whispering and giggling in the hall. Sharing a dorm hall with Hadley could have been much worse, but it still isn’t something I really wanted to experience.
It was then, when I was feeling the lowest, and lonely, and once again pained at the reminder of teen pregnancy and my own birth parents, that Isaac came up to apologize to me.
I had been coming to breakfast even earlier in the morning to avoid all of my old classmates, and he had come down in his pajamas. He apologized for avoiding me, and thanked me for being honest with him about being a man, and making a decision.
He seemed to have taken my words to heart, and he had decided to not get involved with Nolan’s life at least for now. He felt that he wasn’t in a situation to do anything beneficial. I don’t know if that is necessarily true, but we’ve both heard about Julia losing herself lately, and he thinks that he would make it worse.
I told him later on, that if he still had feelings for Julia, that he should try to work it out. Even young parents can make a go of it, and have a good life together. It was then that he told me that he had feelings for me.
Only one guy has ever liked me, and that was some strange boy I met during the High School Camping Trip. The logical side of me screamed to run away, and that he was just using lines on me. But my heart felt like he might have genuinely grown up since he came to college last year, and that maybe he had changed.
It was the soft part of me that won out.
After that I was plagued by guilt, because Isaac didn’t seem like a villain, but my best friend Alice would not see him for anything else. So when she called, I couldn’t speak to her about him, and since I was seeing him more and more, it meant I had less and less I could say.
We had arranged at the end of summer, a weekend for Alice to come and stay at the dorms. Back when we were young, and I had started junior high before her, our friendship had been strained, she hadn’t understood what it was like to be at a new school, or how awful Hadley had been at the time.
I find that it’s similar to that once again. Everything is such a novelty to her and even though I’m still in my first semester, it’s not that way for me anymore. Classes are hard, managing my time isn’t always easy, and realizing that life isn’t good vs. evil has been a wake up call to me. For pity sake, she couldn’t wait to try Ramen noodles, something her parents would never let her eat at home.
Alice keeps talking about these trivial things that just don’t really matter in the real world. She also has this blindly obnoxious hope about her. She thinks that we will get placed as dormmates next year when she joins me, but I don’t see it happening. Miner Hall is single student rooms, and I’m not interested in switching to one that has double occupancy. And I would never tell her, but especially not if me and Isaac become a couple, and he’s still in this dorm.
I try to warn her in subtle ways that it’s not likely, but she doesn’t believe me. She thinks I am being pessimistic over it, and I need more faith that it will work out.
I took her to the rec room to play some arcade games, like we used to do at Pizza Palace back in the day.
Of course Isaac came nosing around, he hadn’t realized that I had never told Alice we were friends.
He was casual and nonchalant about it when I started shooing him away, but I think I might have hurt his feelings. There is just no easy way to tell your best friend that you are dating the guy who knocked up her other close friend. And telling your best friend these things shouldn’t be hard. Telling your parents is what is supposed to be hard, but there is no way in hell that I am telling mine anything about this, whatever this may be.
My parents would think I’d lost my mind, and all sense of judgement, and part of me wonders if I have indeed.
In the end, I had to tuck Alice away up in my room so we could avoid Isaac at all costs.
Once we sat down in private, all she could talk about was Julia, and the poor decisions she has been making. She doesn’t seem to realize that I was never really friends with her, as much as Alice tried forcing us together. Sure, I don’t want her to make bad decisions, but I don’t particularly care nor want to spend my entire weekend talking about it.
But as a guilty best friend, I had to endure it, all the while thinking that Julia needs to grow up, and stop using her past poor decisions as an excuse to make more.
Notes: I did not expect Lainey and Isaac to hook up! I will say that as soon as I got Isaac settled, he rolled a few baby related wants, to buy a high chair, and things of that nature. I don’t think he’s gutsy enough to just walk up to the Millett’s household, especially after denying the baby as his, and be like “hey here’s a high chair for my boy.” I see him as wanting to use someone like Lainey to test the waters for himself first.
Lainey would not be interested in that though. She is not friends with Julia, and teen pregnancy is not something she is interested in. She has a unique POV on it, from being adopted by the Grimsley family, and that in itself is something she tries to forget about. So naturally, anything that highlights unplanned pregnancy makes her uncomfortable.
Hadley was rather chill, saving all of her rage for Isaac, who she fought with every spare second she had. I get more students next year, and I will likely swap around some dorm assignments, I just don’t see Hadley/Isaac staying in the same dorm for 2 more years. So Alice may get her wish to be in the same dorm as Lainey after all!
If anyone knows where I got Lainey’s shirt, I’d really appreciate it! I lost it in my switch to new computer, and am having a most difficult time relocating it.
And lastly, I’m going to try and do two updates a week for at least the month of December. With no longer babysitting full-time, and having 3 weeks of vacation for Christmas, I think this should be sort of manageable! We will see! I just want to make some progress here, get some babies born, been too long of a break!
Thanks for reading!