narrated by: Eva
I’m used to things going wrong, I never expected to be married again, or have a child later in life, let alone any such nonsense as a happy ending. Quitting Mini Sprout had seemed like a good idea when Dahlia had been born, but I can’t bring myself to enjoy all the downtime. I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop, as they say, for Gideon to get fired, or die unexpectedly, a fire to take away our home, something. Having my first husband die on our wedding night ruined these calm moments for me, they seem to leer as they attempt to coax me into sedation.
I spoke with Gideon about going back into the work force, and he had been hurt that I didn’t trust him to stick around. Which wasn’t true, I just don’t trust the universe to let things stay good. Everyone I love seems to die before their time in unexpected ways.
I pointed out that our dog Pirate passed, but he discounted it, saying that Pirate lived longer than normal dogs of the same breed. Plus we knew it was coming, that was why we bought Captain last year. It still doesn’t calm my unease though, and he accepted that I would be getting a job soon.
I’ve enjoyed all these years of working retail, I’m rather shy when it comes to putting myself out there, but not when I’m working with a customer. It is a role that I can step into and play well; I just have issues with my bosses, they expect their employees to be ignorant and on their way out. So I had the brilliant idea to start my own party planning business. It would give me financial stability, to build a bigger savings, and if something were to happen, I would be better prepared to handle the after effects.
I went to Nicole with my idea. She started Zoe-Gen later in life, and with a baby at home, and she’s been a great success. She was thrilled to see me, Paloma and Oliver don’t approve of us being friends now that they’ve broken up. It’s hard when your kids date, and then break up, they don’t realize that the parents have formed friendships as well.
I asked Nic to partner with me, to recommend my business to her new brides, and once I had clients, I would recommend her. I was worried it was too much in my favor, and that she would decline, but she was thrilled for me. She gave me a list of local venues to contact to work out financial deals with as well, and really had great ideas for me.
We ended the meeting with a verbal agreement to partner up, and a lunch date to build a business plan. She suggested I get it all in order before Christmas, when the county bridal show is, then I could grab all the spring and summer brides, and jump right in. She knows this wedding business well, and I’m grateful she’s willing to mentor me.
I can relax more, knowing that I’m being active for our future. Gideon is especially happy that I won’t have to put in long twelve hour days like I did at Mini Sprout. I will be able to work from home much of the time, and schedule meetings and events when him or Linnea are home, Dahlia might never need a full daycare provider.
Gideon asked if I might consider throwing caution to the wind, and seeing if we might be able to have another baby, before he turns forty. I didn’t expect that we could ever have Dahlia, and I’m forty-seven, it’s a short walk from here to fifty, but I relented. If we got pregnant, one last time, then we did. I didn’t think there was harm in that, and I thought Dahlia might enjoy having a sister or brother to grow up with.
Linnea adores Dahlia, but she’s thirteen, and doesn’t really play anymore. She spends more time getting Dahlia out of her bedroom, where she gets into nothing but mischief then anything else.
And she spends the rest of the time begging to go somewhere, or have Itzel over. Last year, Linnea had no friends, and I asked Paloma to come and cheer her up. I’m beyond happy that she’s found such a good friend in Itzel.
Their favorite place is the bookstore, they like to drink coffee and pretend they are away at university. Itzel gets to visit her sister Alice at campus, and brings a wealth of information to their adventures in make believe. Neither care for coffee, but they insist on drinking at any rate, convinced that it’s an adult ritual.
As far as I know, Linnea doesn’t have a crush on any boys, but I’ve been heavily informed of Itzel’s crush on Caleb Gray. Linnea seems annoyed with it, but I know in time she will fall for a boy, and be just as annoying. Besides that, I know that Lucy and Cole have very strict dating rules, so Linnea doesn’t have to worry too much about this crush business right now.
We usually hire both the girls to babysit Dahlia so me and Gideon can go out. While we get ready, they usually lay out on the lawn, despite that it’s getting chilly at night. They are getting to the age that they don’t want to hang around the adults that much, though they spend much of their time mimicking us.
Dahlia usually goes right to sleep, so the rest of the night they spend goofing off, and eating all our food. I feel guilty at how much easier things are for Linnea, than it was for Paloma. Back then, we had empty cupboards, and bills just days away from repossession. There wasn’t goofing around like Linnea has now.
My spirits have been low lately in regards to Paloma, I know I did my best but still feel guilt over how hard things were for her childhood. Add that she is busy working every day, and trying to make ends meet, and I just plain miss her. Gideon, being the guy that he is, decided to make the first stop on our date to Planet Java to visit with Paloma.
She’s always happy to see me, though I worry that I’ve hurt her by starting my life all over again. She likes Gideon, but it’s not the same Father relationship that Linnea has with him, Paloma actually remembers her Dad, and hasn’t spent much time living in the same household as Gideon.
Her passion is baking the desserts and treats, and making lattes coming in second, at the bottom of the list is running the cash register. She’s never been technologically inclined, probably due to the fact that we only had a dinosaur for a computer, that Oliver had to constantly repair. It was rarely worth the effort to even boot it, so she struggles with the cash register despite having worked here for several years now.
She came out to visit with us though as we enjoyed the fall evening. Her boss doesn’t work most nights, so she was able to spend a decent amount of time with us.
I felt better seeing her too, she seems to be doing better than the last time she came by for dinner. She insists that she is not seeing someone but she has gone on a few dates with the same guy. She refused to divulge any other information, not even a name, but she looks happy and that is enough for me.
She even hugged Gideon, and I knew it meant a lot to him.
We had dinner at Pacelli’s, which was our first time there. The evening was beautiful, and we enjoyed our dinner outside alone. When the girls are all grown up, and moved on with their lives like Paloma has done already, I know I will have a good partner in Gideon, and I’m relieved to not have a lonely future looming over my head.
After our late night out, we both wound up sick. It’s hard being sick when there’s a one year old in the house.
Dahlia didn’t get sick, but she seemed more fussy than usual, or I just lacked the energy to deal with it.
Gideon is trying for a promotion, and had to go to work despite being sick. He’s been lead of a botany project, and hoping to get recognition for his success, and a raise. I don’t know that spreading germs is going to be in his favor, but he doesn’t have any sick time or vacation days to use, so it’s his only option.
I manage to get Dahlia dressed, even as I slip back into my pajamas for comfort. I hate for Gideon to see me in elastic pants during the day time, so I sneak back in after he leaves. The nice thing about Dahlia is that she loves her sleep, and she tends to take a long nap right after lunch, which is a blessing when I’m sick.
I ended up talking Gideon into leaving work early to go to the doctors. After my Dad and sister died from pneumonia, I take sickness very seriously. Gideon doesn’t share my fears though, and insisted we were picking up ten more diseases just sitting in the waiting room.
We saw Dr. Morgan, and while I had her, I asked about the possibility of me getting pregnant at my age. She was happy that we were trying for another one, she really adores Dahlia.
But she wanted me to know the odds weren’t in our favor. She estimated that there was a 5% chance out of 10,000 for us to get pregnant again with a healthy baby. It wasn’t what I exactly wanted to hear, but since we’d been trying, she decided to do some bloodwork to see if we’d been successful yet.
She came back about twenty minutes later to let me know that I was indeed pregnant. It was very early, she insisted, but she was happy for us. She suggested I make an appointment at three months to have an ultrasound and discuss possible complications. I heard very little of it, I couldn’t believe the news.
Gideon was on cloud nine. When it came time to tuck Dahlia in, we couldn’t believe that we were going to start all over again, we both felt a thrill of excitement. She’s been such a delight to raise, very caring and sweet, and we would be getting to do it all over again, and meet a whole new person.
Gideon kept saying that he was going to be forty when he became a father again, and I sort of wanted to smack him, because I’d be even closer to fifty. His mini-age breakdowns are hard for me to sympathize with, seeing that I’m nearly a decade older than him.
Gideon’s best man, Dave started coming over for some lifting in the basement, Gideon wanted to get in better shape, and Dave had found a girl that could possibly be the one. Alicia was very nice, she’s a psychiatrist, and I get the feeling that they will be doing the wedding dance sometime in the future, perhaps with my assistance as their wedding planner.
I don’t have a lot of friends, never having the time for such frivolous pastimes, but I think that maybe we could be in time. She’s a very good listener, probably why she picked her occupation, and overall not judgmental. I’m happy for Dave, he’s been alone and miserable about it for years.
I was considering a delay in starting my party planning business, thinking that it wouldn’t be smart to start in December when I’d be three months pregnant. But I didn’t get to worry about it too much, before I lost the baby. It happened while Gideon was out with Dave, and I dreaded telling him the news.
He tried to hug me, but I felt immense guilt over it all, that I pushed him away. These were the moments that I had been afraid of back when we started dating, it was why I broke up with him to begin with. I didn’t want to hurt him with these losses, especially in regards to children. I never thought I could give him Dahlia, and he had said he’d be fine with none of his own, but then he wanted two.
And there we were, a second pregnancy, lost, likely due to my advanced maternal age, and he could have avoided it all, if he had just picked someone his own age to love.
He told me I was taking on too much blame for something that was no ones fault, but nothing he said eased the pain in my chest. I insisted that I was not willing to try again; I couldn’t handle the thought of babies dying because I was too old to have them, it seemed cruel. Gideon agreed that we never had to try again, but it didn’t really bring any comfort.
Notes: This was a complicated play session, I mentioned it at N99, but Linnea kept dying despite not being sick, then Gideon died because he was sick, I just hadn’t realized. Someone keeps kicking over their trash and unleashing cockroaches. I haven’t seen who is doing it, but they are very annoying! Their dog Pirate died, and the only people to like their other dog, Captain was Gideon and Dahlia. Eva and Linnea kept rolling fears that he would chew on anything (and he of course did), but they also rolled a lot of wants to scold poor Captain, who is a very good dog!
There chance of pregnancy is at 5%, and they kept trying, and the roll was always high. Then at the end, they got pregnant. And very quickly, they lost it. She didn’t have bad motives ether, maybe it was from her cold? But I will not have them try anymore for babies, I don’t think Eva wants to be fifty and pregnant, so Dahlia completes their family. I’m changing Eva’s IFS so that it is completed.
Eva’s ROS last round was to quit her job, and go after her dream job, but she’s matched great for retail type jobs and party planning. So I’m having her work with Nicole to be a party planner, I think those two ladies could really take the wedding business to a whole new level together. And Eva will be grateful to start earning money again, because she was peddling for cash, despite having thousands of dollars in savings. I don’t see her as the type of person to ever relax and enjoy a moment, because so much sadness has happened in her life.
Thanks for reading!! 🙂
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